I Hate Cockney Rhyming Slang

For those of you not in the know, Cockney rhyming slang is a way for snobbish British people to say sneaky things behind people’s backs. They take a phrase like “This bloke’s a poof” and make up a phrase that rhymes with that like “That joke’s a roof”. And presto! Boring fucking Cockney twit lower class rhyming jizz.

It tosses the skunk. I’m delirious for dunce. Nickel, dime, and quarter their tartars and smothers, unk.

I’ve got some good news. YOU ROTTEN TEETH BASTARDS ARE GOING TO HELL. Why? You all have evil sinner’s teeth. I have smooth pointy strawlike teeth and drink Brits like juices boxes. I’ll slam a spigot in their corotid artery and lefty loosey, here come the juicy! Vampire slaves they shall be. MINE.

One time I was in London and at tea time I invaded this guys house in the form of a wolf. Then I drank his blood. He tasted of Earl Grey. His wife had a more Morgan Shipley taste to her. I’M A FEKKING VAMPIRE, ROIGHT ROIGHT THEN!!!

I got hep c from them. Took decades to clear up.

Some of my vampire friends and I played AIDS TAG in London back in the 1980s. You had to be clever though. First, get AIDS. Then, bite your friend’s next meal. Then call them up and say, “YOU GOT AIDS MUTHAFUCKA BECAUSE I BIT YOUR LUNCH AND I HAVE THE AAAAAAAIIIIIIDDDDSSSSS!!!!!!”

So, Cockney rhyming slang is for pitchforks and crotch towels.

GO TO HELL!!!