Diet Soda

Diet means what you eat. Even monsters are on a diet. Somehow, fat folks hijacked the word to mean weight loss formula sooooo cooool!!! Diet cookies are stupid, but here’s something even worse:

Barf Cans

 Diet SODA? When did it get to this? I went to the store just to buy some. Yeah, I took a sip. It tasted like barf in a can watered down with urine strained through an old dirty sock. The store clerk told me I opened it and had to buy it. So I evulsed on him and he ran away.

My second sip lead me to believe I was being poisoned. And there it was in the list of ingredients ‘PURE 100% POISON’. Oh. Oh. I get it. A fat folk eats the soda and dies of poison and then they lose weight when worms it them up. Soon, they’re just a bony little thing.

I went into a rage. I took fifty shopping carts and tossed them all with one hand. Then I chopped of a gentleman’s head with my hand and danced in the blood fountain of his demise! Of course I drank the blood. I’m a vampYRE! Get scared of me.