Why? Because your stupid ass blows up some firecrakers and shit.
Awwww, crap. I forgot that not all of you are AMERICANS. July 4th is our Independence Day. Don’t even bother to hate on it, I already do.
What? I don’t hate America. You wanna see this? Huh?
You got that right! Don’t fucking tread on me, assholes! This is so freaking awesome.
But July 4 is for babies. Seriously. I used to get drunk, light of some fireworks, grill food, get drunk, smoke weed, set off explosives, throw up on my dashboard in a liquor store parking lot, weave down the streets screaming oi bomb off you ferywaffles! Then, after the long weekend in jail, I’d go back to work.
This is now you. That’s right Jethro. Put down the pipe bomb, shut your methlab and listen. July 4th is not a reason to celebrate for you. You are not free. You’re a slave to the government.
So, put a bucket on your head, paint it red and white and sing Old Uncle Sam’s Got a Ham, Got a Ham and make a foooool of yourself. Stay off my street because I’m attacking merriment with a rake and if I can’t find the rake, one of those garden things with the rollerblade thingy with spikes.
America we love you, but we hate your celebrations.
On another note, while I was drinking some dude’s blood in New Orleans, I was spotted by authorities. So, I changed into a bat and flew away with a hiss.
